A humorous look at a ‘proper’ wedding
Many soon-to-be grooms may be left in the dark as to what is the proper etiquette for the series of events leading up to and including their wedding day. Here is a humorous list of guidelines to hand a buddy or relative shortly before he gets hitched, courtesy of WeddingHumor.com reprinted with permission from Nathan’s Collection of Humor.

Announcement
It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in a local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (a high-school yearbook picture is acceptable); name of the groom, education completed by both the bride and groom (DO NOT include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony. If living with the bride’s parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside.

Invitations
Because you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations. They do not have to be lengthy. Something like:
“You are invited to watch _____ and _____ make it legal on _____.” will suffice nicely. If you don’t want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell, “If you ain’t doing nothin’ on _____, why don’t you stop by my house for a cold one about two o’clock. Me and _____’s having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our wedding.”

Proper Attire
For the bride, the key words are “be conservative.” No matter how good it may look, she should refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips are also frowned upon.

For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute couture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, consider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a fine appearance. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

The Ceremony
At the point in the ceremony which says, “If anybody has any reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony ...” tell the officiant not to pause too long; old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much. As the ceremony is concluded, you and your spouse should realize that a short kiss will do.

Reception
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, because that’s bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all, the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.

And remember, when dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!